The temperature is now on the rise, for which I am grateful. I gave Ranger the Goat a slurpy full of good things this morning – Pete said he seemed more chipper this evening. I want him to see another spring and summer, and so I will do whatever it takes to bring this about.

Accidents. That’s my header. Now thinking very hard about this. Writing enables me to figure out things I might not otherwise be able to figure out – I think this is because I slow down and carefully consider each word, then consider what I’ve written as a whole. A lot of times I am then able to move on.

Alys and Raudi on the plowed road

There is nothing more paralyzing than not being able to move on.

Tonight I decided to take Hrimmi for a walk around the loop. It was dusky when I started out, near dark when I was about a quarter mile from home. I didn’t wear my vest. I figured her white butt and my headlight would be visible to motorists. I was coming down the hill when I first heard what sounded like a vehicle and then saw lights. It drew closer, was brighter and louder. “Holy Shit,” I muttered, “snowplow.” It came fast. I pulled Hrimmi to the side of the road, into the snowbank, which was about a foot deep.

The plow surged past, going fast, and making quite a racket. Hrimmi of course spooked and jumped forward. I held onto her lead line and fell down into the snow. My glove came off and so I had to release the lead rope. She raced forward and ran toward the plow. I was immediately glad that she didn’t jump sideways, into the path of the plow.

She kept going. The driver stopped, got out of the vehicle, and asked me if I was okay. I said to him (as I passed at a trot) that there was no fucking reason for a snowplow to be out on the road. And I was right. There was no ice on the road, and the snow was hardpacked.

I kept going and caught up with Hrimmi who turned left and was at the gate. The plow driver waited about a minute before continuing.

I have since (two hours have passed now) run what happened over and over in my mind. Quite obviously, I should not have been out on the road with a horse after dark. I will never do this again. But still, I am very bothered by the fact that I did this at all. No matter, that Hrimmi is our most steady eddy and dependable horse. I put her life at risk and for this I feel really, really bad.

And I will continue to feel really, really bad. I more than erred. I nearly lost a beloved equine companion. If she had been killed, I would not have been able to continue to live with myself.

The best I can do is not go out with horses at night. This, though, right now, does not make me feel any better. Nor has writing about it. I guess I have to give my thought process more time.

Next: 347. 12/16/21: Lining Up One’s Ducks