Partly cloudy, humid, I almost wish it would rain and get it over with. Be careful what you wish for, my inner voice mutters. My inner voice mutters a lot; it is very frustrated with me because I don’t listen. Well, I do listen then after doubting that I have an inner voice, I go ahead and do the opposite of what I’m being advised to do. If I was being told what to do, well, I would have good reason for ignoring inner voice.

Inner voice is soft, gentle, thoughtful, intuitive, kind, and very, very intelligent. So why do I ignore her suggestions? Again, it’s doubt. I do know that in all the instances in which I have listened to my inner voice, things have gone just fine.

More and more, inner voice is remaining silent – a bad sign. If I paid closer attention and acted accordingly, I’d win her trust back. And I would be far better off.

Alys with Jenna and Rainbow

I am trying to think of instances in which I listened to my inner voice. She didn’t tell me to work harder, but I have been doing this because then I am assisting in gaining project momentum. I also am continuing to make the world a better place. It’s that old concentric circle thing – the rings move outward.

I know when I’m doing the right thing – Inner voice doesn’t need to say much then because it’s self-evident. Rather, it’s those moments when I have the urge to be mean, nasty, vindictive, rude, self-effacing, and self-erasing that I put what the inner voice is telling me, on hold.

I am now a public figure in Palmer. I used to have to watch my P’s and Q’s. Now I must watch out for all the letters in the alphabet. It’s an enormous task. If there were just ten letters instead of 26 this would be easier. Plus, there are big and little letters. A daunting proposition, I say.

Inner voice or no inner voice, those times in which I have told people what I think I’ve lived to regret it. A life of regret is not a good thing. In fact, a life of regret is a bad thing.

I am now feeling under less duress so perhaps my inner voice will soon feel like taking a vacation. And so where would inner voice go? I think to the woods, where she might hang out with the fairies.

I am feeling less duress because my job is getting easier. All but about a pallet of nonfiction boxes are categorized. Most of the boxes are now on a table, waiting for that great and glorious day when I decide to finish this project.

I felt better tonight, riding. Pete rode Hrimmi and I rode Raudi. Pete said Raudi got her hoof caught in the bottom of the fence and she stood there and waited for him to take care of the problem. We are going to put railroad ties at the bottom of the fence in the next few days, further decreasing my duress.

Next: 204. 7/27/23: The Light at the End of the Tunnel