Sometimes it’s a struggle to get words on paper. It’s like walking in mire in concrete boots. This, I must say, is a very apt analogy, one that I didn’t think of before I started writing this dispatch. It’s a struggle to get words on paper when I’m feeling down. I suffer from situational depression – something goes wrong, and my subconscious goes on a bender, consuming great quantities (I’m sure) of whiskey. My conscious would also like to partake, and truthfully, if we had any hard liquor in the house, it would be all gone. I’d then feel good for a bit then feel bad. With age comes wisdom.

Alys at Vagabond bookcase

I don’t feel good enough to resume working on Shelf Life – I am lacking in energy. And right now, it would be doubly hard to write about the BLBP project, which is causing me considerable angst. It is very up and down, like being on a roller coaster. And I’ve always had a fear of roller coasters. I was on one once, at an amusement park in upstate New York. I hung on for dear life and I kept my eyes closed. I never got on another roller coaster again, the prospect was far too daunting. The same held true for Ferris Wheels. Being way up there, swinging in the breeze, is not my idea of a good time. And the older I’ve gotten the greater the fear of riding on all rides except for the carousel. The carousel: it has a special place in my heart.

So up, today, with Pam and Pete, at Colony Middle School, talking with the students about the Bright Lights Book Project. They were receptive, so we’ll have them clean books, which is going to mean that we’ll have to bring the books to them.

Then back to business as usual. I went to the Palmer Senior Center and dropped off books, then returned to the hotel where with Pam and Pete I cleaned and sorted books. This is the down part: we got three-quarters of the books out of the K-Building yesterday. We still have books, in the sports and fitness bookshelf, in the basement. So tomorrow we’ll move out five, yes, five bookcases. Pete and Robert will do this. The basement bookcase, we may be able to move it inside the gym, saving our having to lug it out of the building and then back into the building.

With all this in mind, I decided tonight to call the building owner, my intention being to perhaps get her to allow us to keep one bookcase on site. I envisioned myself playing good cop. I thought I was good at playing good cop – I used to be, but I must not be anymore.

The situation is this: the homeless people are swarming into the K-Building and causing a lot of damage. She (the owner) went on and on about this. And some were reading books. My goodness. So no more books for now at the K-Building.

The upside. Wonderful project. Downside. I’m discouraged. I’ve failed at a lot of things I’ve done in life. This may end up being another instance of this.

Next: 20. 1/20/24: Nulla Dies Since Linea: Balancing Acts