I now understand what a friend once said in answer to a question I had, which is, why don’t we want to live forever? She said that it’s because life is such a struggle. At the time, we were both in our 30s, and life then really wasn’t all that difficult. Little did she know, but it was going to get to be more of a struggle.

If I were now to talk with Barb LaMack I’d say laughingly, “now we’re in for it.” Laughingly because things are not that bad, but I foresee that things are not going to get easier.

One thing is, as we get older, more and more people we care about die. Sometimes I wish I could go back twenty years and bring those I care about back. I miss teachers, family members, friends who’ve passed.

Another thing is that those around us start to have health issues. Today I was in the hot tub at the Palmer Pool and this very obese man (who’d been hanging out in my lane) began telling me about the problems he’d had with his lungs. He went into considerable detail about his condition and about how his condition was treated. This, not the hot water, made me feel woozy. He concluded by saying that older people were not eligible for single or double lung transplants. I did not say, of course, that he, because he was in poor shape, would not qualify, but this was obvious and is most likely obvious to those around him.

April 14th

Being in the hot tub lends itself to all kinds of conversations. Me, I always hope to be in there alone, but once I’m in, I accept the fact that the nature of the surroundings, a confined space with hot water, lends itself to such conversations.

Another thing is that, shit, both Pete and I are dealing with health issues. Me, I’m not giving in to decrepitude. I got this hip/lower back thing going on. I now have a physical therapist – this is a good line of work to go into if you are young because the baby boomers, who are large in number, and falling apart at the seams, are in dire need of an assist.

I’m envisioning Holly, my physical therapist, like she’s my personal trainer. Already, I can tell, she’s mystified. Tomorrow I’m going to ask her how I might correctly do squats because I am constantly picking up things off the ground. My brain is putting on the brakes and saying, “Don’t do this.” I want to do this correctly, so that I am not putting undue stress on my back.

I’m also going to ask Holly for advice on how to use the treadmill.

And yes, doing yet another long horse trek is still within the realm of possibility.

I am not dwelling on the fact that life is unfair, and I didn’t buy into the fact that it truly is a struggle, for to dwell on it is to admit that this is a truism. I’d just rather avoid the issue for now.

Next: 283. 10/18/24: Where the wind don’t blow so Strange